As Enterprise wraps its freshman season tonight (at 8 pm/ET on UPN), star Scott Bakula promises big surprises. "There's no Prime Directive yet, so we're at a loss," Capt. Archer's portrayer tells TV Guide Online. "We've been invited to come visit this planet with 3500 colonists, and as we're entering the atmosphere, there's an explosion — they're all dead.

"Needless to say, no one's happy about it," he cracks. "The Vulcans want to shut down the whole space-travel program because of this huge disaster." (Those pointy-eared pot-stirrers!) Plus, look for the Suliban baddies and a "time-traveling visitor from the future" to fuel the Trekkers' troubles.

Having spent a full year as a Star Trek captain, Bakula's now qualified to answer many queries he couldn't at first — except why Enterprise's opening theme is so hated! "It's not my call," he laughs. "Nobody [here] asked what I thought of it. I think it works for this Trek incarnation. In the past, it was always theme music and never lyrics. [Exec producer] Rick Berman wanted to say, 'This isn't the Star Trek of old' and this is one of the ways they chose to do it."

One thing he's getting a handle on is Trek's techno-babble. "Not only do you have to spit it out, they're sticklers about you doing it verbatim," Bakula groans. "In this season finale, I think I modify our phaser cannons and turn them into something else — and it's a page of techno-babble in the script. It's quantum physics combined with engineering technology, and I'm just spewing it. They saved the worst for last for me this year!"

Backstage, Bakula looks to UPN to solve the real dilemmas. Such as? To compensate for a weak Wednesday-night lineup, he feels they've watered down his show's impact by airing "too many back-to-back episodes." As the 37-year-old actor admits: "This whole notion of how they program at UPN is bizarre to me... I'd like us to not be on TV as often. I'm excited about The Twilight Zone coming up after us this fall. It's a great combination."

Attempting to woo his beloved in The Importance of Being Earnest — opening Friday — Colin Firth's character serenades her. Of course, we're dying to know: Was the handsome Brit crooning with his own voice in the film?

"I'm very flattered that you even ask [if it was me]," Firth tells TV Guide Online. "If they got a professional voice in [instead], it would have sounded a lot better than that.

"I didn't really prepare very much except in my bedroom once or twice," the 41-year-old adds. "It was a fairly unprepared thing, but I think that was the spirit that was required. I was rather hoping it would all be dubbed!"

Firth has a very different opinion when it comes to the vocal performance of co-star Reese Witherspoon — whose part calls for her to utter Oscar Wilde's witticisms with a British accent. "I certainly think that nobody could have been better in the role," he gushes. "We all had to make a bit of a reach... No one speaks like that. [The play]'s a hundred years old and most of us English people are fairly detached from that culture and that way of speaking now."

It's one thing for Brits to return to their roots, but can an American do it as well? "I think that the nationality and the origins of the person really come second," he asserts. "I'd rather she even got the accent wrong than have a perfect English rose who can't act."

Whatever became of Charles Shaughnessy, who played Fran Drescher's beloved "Mr. Sheffield" for six years on The Nanny? He sleeps with the fishes!

No, he's not dead. The 47-year-old Brit is merely the voice of Dennis, the pet goldfish on Disney Channel's popular kid cartoon Stanley. In fact, he's just won a Daytime Emmy for his fishy frolics. "My seven-year-old, Maddy, loves it," he tells TV Guide Online. "She's a huge hit at school because I do this — her status has shot up. If I was on ER or won an Oscar for some movie, no one would give a hoot. But Stanley! Everyone wants to know her now."

Unfortunately, his overenthused daughter causes Daddy no end of embarrassment. "She's actually very sweet," he chuckles, "because we'll be on the street or in a store and she'll wait until there's lots of people nearby — and in a very loud voice, she'll say, 'Daddy, do you like being Dennis the goldfish?' I'll shush her and whisper, 'No, honey, it's just not appropriate right now.' And she loudly says, 'But why, Dennis the goldfish on Stanley?!'"

Not that Shaughnessy needs Maddy's help attracting fan recognition, which he says is "still split 50/50" from his time as "Mr. Sheffield and Shane Donovan from Days of Our Lives. The daytime soaps make such an impact." Would he ever go back? "Never say never," he shrugs. "Days seems to be regrouping the whole gang. There's so many people on now from when I was there. Shane's ideal [to return] — he's been away chasing bad guys in Europe for 10 years, so he could come back with any number of illegitimate children, ex-wives and God knows what!"